Monday, January 19, 2009

Dear Jamario

Dear Jamario Moon,

You've done it again. You've taken yet another ill-advised shot in the hopes that you would make it. When will you get it? We talk about the fact that Shawn Marion doesn't know what option he is - do you? You are NOT the first option when it comes to late-game situations. In fact, I'm surprised that after how many ill-advised shots you've taken in close games, the person bringing up the ball still passes you the ball while youre standing at the elbow. 

You talk under your breath after Chris Bosh confronts you on-court for how you played D on Joe Johnson, and then within the next couple of plays you fall prey to the pump-fake like you normally do and send someone to the free-throw line. Oh wait, didn't CB4 confront you on that at another game, too? And yet, what do you do? After you foul, you smile like the goofy-ass player you are and say to yourself "Awww mang, I fell for it again". Don't fucking smile. You know what you do? DON'T FALL FOR THE PUMP FAKE. 

You get those open shots because scouting reports show you like to take the jumpshot, and are quite contact-averse. How is this possible? With such athleticism, stop trying to be a finesse-player when going to the hoop and dunk that shit. Or better yet, try even driving to the hoop and finishing instead of passing. You're a tall, lanky motherf-cker! I find it ironic that your last name is Moon, or that we used to call you Apollo 33, cause I haven't seen you get in the air nearly as much as you should. And I'm not falling for that shot-blocking "ability" you possess, either. You tend to "block", or as I like to call, "swipe from the side/behind" because you've gotten blown by so much that you've adopted this new skill to try and save face. Frankly, I'm surprised that you're still in the starting lineup after half a season. I would much prefer Joey Graham, but that's just me.

But in all this, even in that tough loss to Atlanta, I find solace in knowing that you belong on this blog. You, Jamario Moon, inspired this post. Because you, Jamario Moon, are mediocre.


Irritated Jamario Moon Observer


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  2. "Awww mang, I fell for it again". Don't fucking smile. You know what you do? DON'T FALL FOR THE PUMP FAKE.". LMAO!
    .THAT was a great post.

  3. I love how you put the "g" in "mang", really makes it sound like Jamario lol.

  4. I can imagine the airplane right now with Moon sitting at the back by himself O_o lol

  5. foreal. even mike evans shot him a look in the timeout that was like "dude, are you foreal?"

  6. haha the first time I heard Jamario speak I had to think of that movie, Bedazzled I think, with brendan frasier, typical dumb player post game comments giving his 110%. Seeing these games makes me realize how bad a teammate I would be. Sometimes you have to be able to live with your teammate missing the shot, but man anytime moon takes a jump shot, I would cuss him out so fast. I mean I'm sure players are feeling that way now, but I would have thrown him under the bus last year. Could never stand him taking any jump shot. I actually hate it when it goes in because it makes him shoot more.

  7. EXACTLY WHAT I SAY! my shoulders actually get heavier when he makes shots because then he thinks he'll make even more.